Anyone ever notice how daunting a blank page is?
....
This explains why I haven't written in my blog for a while or been doing my homework for the past few hours.
I do have another blog I wanted to try a new website. www.julieadventures.tumblr.com
Check it out! It's a cool website.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Valentine's Day
Well, Valentine's day is tomorrow, and since I live in a dominant Mormon community, the town is celebrating it today basically. Everywhere I go there's an assult on my senses: the smell of roses, the sight of blinding red and pink, the sound of cooing lovers, the taste of all the raging hormones in the air (okay, that sounds a little gross), and the bitter touch of winter. Usually, people who do not have a significant other call this holiday S.A.D. or "Single's Awareness Day" which is completely true, but this year I feel humiliated for those celebrating Valentine's Day at all!
I walked into Walmart the other day and saw the huge isle of stuffed animals, cellophane-wrapped chocolate boxes, and cards decked out in pink and red. I expected to feel the sting of being without a significant other, but instead...I laughed! I laughed right out loud in front of the entire store, especially upon approaching the isle that I found was swarmed with anxious and stressed out men holding all sorts of stuffed animals exclaiming "I WUV YOU" with a heart in between it's paws in one hand, and a huge red cellophane wrapped candybox in the other. It's truely hilarious; we have these high expectations for a ridiculous holiday from the time we are very young. Starting in kindergarden, there are huge parties in class with handmade boxes for those boxed, blanket valentines that our parent's helped us fill out for everyone in the class. As we get older (and by older, I mean grade school, middle school) we long for someone to share the holiday with; a secret admirer, a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' or any other romantic fantasy we conjure up in our heads. The men are especially pressured to spoil the women with jewelery, chocolate, or the ever so notorious dozen red roses.
I want it to be understood that I've had plenty of Valentine's Days with a significant other and they were great, but now it feels a little juevenille to me...and because I do not what to come across as a bitter single woman saying ignorantly "It's a Hallmark Holiday, it's totally made up", I looked up where and why and how Valentine's Day actually started. Here is what I found:
*the holiday was named after one or more Christian martyrs named Valentine and established by a Pope in the year 496.
* became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages when courtly love was popular (hey, I'm studying courtly love in my French Lit/History class!)
*Valentine cards became popular in the 19th Century
*Men spend twice as much money for Valentine's Day than women do
*Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni are the "Saint Valentine's" of Valentine's Day. Valentine of Rome was a priest martyred in 269 and Valentine of Terni was a bishop.
*No romantic elements have been discovered being linked to these martyrs. When romance became linked into it in the 14th Century, the distinction between the two valentines were lost.
*According to some sources, on of the St. Valentines was persecuted by Roman Emperor Claudius II. Claudius attempted to get Valentine to convert to paganism in order to save his own life. In turn, Valentine tried to convert Claudius to Christianity.
*Claudius II wanted men to remain single so they could build up the army; married men did not make good soldiers. The priest Valentine therefore conducted secret marriages. When Claudius found out about this, he threw Valentine in jail. The night before his execution he wrote the first "valentine" to the daughter of the jailer who he had befriended and signed it "from your Valentine"
All very interesting. I think the reason I don't care for it anymore is the expectations that we set on each other for this one day. If someone doesn't go all out on Valentine's day, all hell breaks loose with some people. It's okay to have a tradition with your significant other, but if you're stressing about it, you probably shouldn't even bother. That's my opinion. And that's what this blog is for....writing my opinion haha.
I walked into Walmart the other day and saw the huge isle of stuffed animals, cellophane-wrapped chocolate boxes, and cards decked out in pink and red. I expected to feel the sting of being without a significant other, but instead...I laughed! I laughed right out loud in front of the entire store, especially upon approaching the isle that I found was swarmed with anxious and stressed out men holding all sorts of stuffed animals exclaiming "I WUV YOU" with a heart in between it's paws in one hand, and a huge red cellophane wrapped candybox in the other. It's truely hilarious; we have these high expectations for a ridiculous holiday from the time we are very young. Starting in kindergarden, there are huge parties in class with handmade boxes for those boxed, blanket valentines that our parent's helped us fill out for everyone in the class. As we get older (and by older, I mean grade school, middle school) we long for someone to share the holiday with; a secret admirer, a 'boyfriend/girlfriend' or any other romantic fantasy we conjure up in our heads. The men are especially pressured to spoil the women with jewelery, chocolate, or the ever so notorious dozen red roses.
I want it to be understood that I've had plenty of Valentine's Days with a significant other and they were great, but now it feels a little juevenille to me...and because I do not what to come across as a bitter single woman saying ignorantly "It's a Hallmark Holiday, it's totally made up", I looked up where and why and how Valentine's Day actually started. Here is what I found:
*the holiday was named after one or more Christian martyrs named Valentine and established by a Pope in the year 496.
* became associated with romantic love in the High Middle Ages when courtly love was popular (hey, I'm studying courtly love in my French Lit/History class!)
*Valentine cards became popular in the 19th Century
*Men spend twice as much money for Valentine's Day than women do
*Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni are the "Saint Valentine's" of Valentine's Day. Valentine of Rome was a priest martyred in 269 and Valentine of Terni was a bishop.
*No romantic elements have been discovered being linked to these martyrs. When romance became linked into it in the 14th Century, the distinction between the two valentines were lost.
*According to some sources, on of the St. Valentines was persecuted by Roman Emperor Claudius II. Claudius attempted to get Valentine to convert to paganism in order to save his own life. In turn, Valentine tried to convert Claudius to Christianity.
*Claudius II wanted men to remain single so they could build up the army; married men did not make good soldiers. The priest Valentine therefore conducted secret marriages. When Claudius found out about this, he threw Valentine in jail. The night before his execution he wrote the first "valentine" to the daughter of the jailer who he had befriended and signed it "from your Valentine"
All very interesting. I think the reason I don't care for it anymore is the expectations that we set on each other for this one day. If someone doesn't go all out on Valentine's day, all hell breaks loose with some people. It's okay to have a tradition with your significant other, but if you're stressing about it, you probably shouldn't even bother. That's my opinion. And that's what this blog is for....writing my opinion haha.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Months later....
I'm feeling much better. Thanks to a combination of distraction, a new outlook, and medication I have found myself to be mostly happy. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I cried, which is a milestone since I used to cry at least every other day. I'm at school in Idaho enjoying my classes and especially enjoying being in my school's production of Macbeth. I'm playing one of the witches and I cannot fully express how grateful I am to be in this production. I believe in a lot of ways this opprotunity has saved me. I anxiously wait everyday to go to rehearsal, I don't take any moment of it for granted. I love it and I love the people and I feel like I'm doing something I'm supposed to be doing for once, and I'm good at it. It's been far too long since last I was in a show. I dont know what it is, but I'm completely addicted to the theatre. My mom thinks it's the smell of paint or gaff or something that gets me high because I am always on cloud 9 even when I talk about it. I'm so glad to be doing what I'm doing.
I'm blessed with great roommates this semester and a great apartment complex with a great ward. I have my own room again, which helps me when I need to retreat and think. As for now, I'm completely ignoring my homework, which I know I'll regret but I feel compelled to write right now.
I do have a new journal, I wrote one entry in it a few days ago. It feels good to be happy again. Right now, I'm feeling semi-neutral, borderline sad, but I'm not sure why exactly. Probably just those lovely hormones.
I feel that I've grown a considerable amount the past few months. My perspective is different, and I feel older. I've said before that with all of 2009 tragedy in my life that I felt like I lost 10 years off my life. I still feel that way, like I should be turning 31 this year instead of 21. I'm excited for 2010, so far life is completely unexpected and I'm at a place I never imagined I would be. New Year's Eve 2009 was the happiest day of that year for me I believe; I yelled and screamed and thanked the Lord that it was no longer 2009, the year of my hell. I promised myself that this year will be different. I am strong, I am determined, I am on my way to happiness and I won't let things get me down that are trivial and/or juevenille. I enjoy working out now, which is something I never really liked to do, that's a big step for me, though it seems silly to some. I feel like I know what I'm doing in most of my classes and I feel more empathy for people. On top of this, I feel like I'm becoming myself again, but a better self.
I really enjoy thinking and observing and there are a few things I've thought about and observed, particularly on this campus that have formed my opinions. Here are a few subjects I have opinions about and would love to write about someday. I dont think anyone really reads this, but if you do and would like to hear my opinion on any of these subjects, let me know:
I'm blessed with great roommates this semester and a great apartment complex with a great ward. I have my own room again, which helps me when I need to retreat and think. As for now, I'm completely ignoring my homework, which I know I'll regret but I feel compelled to write right now.
I do have a new journal, I wrote one entry in it a few days ago. It feels good to be happy again. Right now, I'm feeling semi-neutral, borderline sad, but I'm not sure why exactly. Probably just those lovely hormones.
I feel that I've grown a considerable amount the past few months. My perspective is different, and I feel older. I've said before that with all of 2009 tragedy in my life that I felt like I lost 10 years off my life. I still feel that way, like I should be turning 31 this year instead of 21. I'm excited for 2010, so far life is completely unexpected and I'm at a place I never imagined I would be. New Year's Eve 2009 was the happiest day of that year for me I believe; I yelled and screamed and thanked the Lord that it was no longer 2009, the year of my hell. I promised myself that this year will be different. I am strong, I am determined, I am on my way to happiness and I won't let things get me down that are trivial and/or juevenille. I enjoy working out now, which is something I never really liked to do, that's a big step for me, though it seems silly to some. I feel like I know what I'm doing in most of my classes and I feel more empathy for people. On top of this, I feel like I'm becoming myself again, but a better self.
I really enjoy thinking and observing and there are a few things I've thought about and observed, particularly on this campus that have formed my opinions. Here are a few subjects I have opinions about and would love to write about someday. I dont think anyone really reads this, but if you do and would like to hear my opinion on any of these subjects, let me know:
- Marriage does not equal maturity
- Tragedy vs. Comedy
- Chivalry
- How much I love being independant
- Language in American schools
- East Coast
- Peer Pressure in all levels of life.
- Blind Obeidence
- Cognitive dissonance
- Theatre and its importance in education/life
- Ignorance/Living life with eyes closed
- Empathy/Sympathy
- Immaturity of people in general
- How to have fun and not worry about being single or "taken"
- Being comfortable and confident in your own skin
- Mormon Culture
- Good movies (or "Guy Movies" vs. "Girl Movies")
- High school dynamics
I know this is a random gamut of topics, but they're ones that I feel strongly about and could really write a whole blog on any of them. So if there's anyone out there particularly interested in hearing my opinons on any of these subjects, let me know.
Well, this week is tech week for Macbeth and then the three weeks after that will be performances. The first two weeks sold out in 4 days of going on sale. I hear people on campus talking about how excited they are to see it. I love being a part of it, it's almost disgusting how much I love it. Anyway, I don't think I'll be writing another blog anytime soon, but I guess it depends on my homework load and my exhaustion level. However, I have a signifcant amount of homework right now and I'm not really doing it...
Until next time.
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