Months later....

I'm feeling much better. Thanks to a combination of distraction, a new outlook, and medication I have found myself to be mostly happy. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I cried, which is a milestone since I used to cry at least every other day. I'm at school in Idaho enjoying my classes and especially enjoying being in my school's production of Macbeth. I'm playing one of the witches and I cannot fully express how grateful I am to be in this production. I believe in a lot of ways this opprotunity has saved me. I anxiously wait everyday to go to rehearsal, I don't take any moment of it for granted. I love it and I love the people and I feel like I'm doing something I'm supposed to be doing for once, and I'm good at it. It's been far too long since last I was in a show. I dont know what it is, but I'm completely addicted to the theatre. My mom thinks it's the smell of paint or gaff or something that gets me high because I am always on cloud 9 even when I talk about it. I'm so glad to be doing what I'm doing.

I'm blessed with great roommates this semester and a great apartment complex with a great ward. I have my own room again, which helps me when I need to retreat and think. As for now, I'm completely ignoring my homework, which I know I'll regret but I feel compelled to write right now.

I do have a new journal, I wrote one entry in it a few days ago. It feels good to be happy again. Right now, I'm feeling semi-neutral, borderline sad, but I'm not sure why exactly. Probably just those lovely hormones.

I feel that I've grown a considerable amount the past few months. My perspective is different, and I feel older. I've said before that with all of 2009 tragedy in my life that I felt like I lost 10 years off my life. I still feel that way, like I should be turning 31 this year instead of 21. I'm excited for 2010, so far life is completely unexpected and I'm at a place I never imagined I would be. New Year's Eve 2009 was the happiest day of that year for me I believe; I yelled and screamed and thanked the Lord that it was no longer 2009, the year of my hell. I promised myself that this year will be different. I am strong, I am determined, I am on my way to happiness and I won't let things get me down that are trivial and/or juevenille. I enjoy working out now, which is something I never really liked to do, that's a big step for me, though it seems silly to some. I feel like I know what I'm doing in most of my classes and I feel more empathy for people. On top of this, I feel like I'm becoming myself again, but a better self.
I really enjoy thinking and observing and there are a few things I've thought about and observed, particularly on this campus that have formed my opinions. Here are a few subjects I have opinions about and would love to write about someday. I dont think anyone really reads this, but if you do and would like to hear my opinion on any of these subjects, let me know:

• Marriage does not equal maturity
• Tragedy vs. Comedy
• Chivalry
• How much I love being independant
• Language in American schools
• East Coast
• Peer Pressure in all levels of life.
• Blind Obeidence
• Cognitive dissonance
• Theatre and its importance in education/life
• Ignorance/Living life with eyes closed
• Empathy/Sympathy
• Immaturity of people in general
• How to have fun and not worry about being single or "taken"
• Being comfortable and confident in your own skin
• Mormon Culture
• Good movies (or "Guy Movies" vs. "Girl Movies")
• High school dynamics

I know this is a random gamut of topics, but they're ones that I feel strongly about and could really write a whole blog on any of them. So if there's anyone out there particularly interested in hearing my opinons on any of these subjects, let me know.

Well, this week is tech week for Macbeth and then the three weeks after that will be performances. The first two weeks sold out in 4 days of going on sale. I hear people on campus talking about how excited they are to see it. I love being a part of it, it's almost disgusting how much I love it. Anyway, I don't think I'll be writing another blog anytime soon, but I guess it depends on my homework load and my exhaustion level. However, I have a signifcant amount of homework right now and I'm not really doing it...

Until next time.